all i need is a friend who understands
Mon, 08/06/2009 - 22:20
after my son was born 5 years ago my life has been a roller-coaster ride. i developed depression, then had my daughter, and my depression became more intense. i was sure i was a bad mum and even self-harmed and at some points i was suicidal. when my daughter was a few months old i met a woman who i felt was the 'one' and came out to my family who all took it in their stride. things went well for over a year and then all of a sudden it seemed to spiral down again. my son was diagnosed with higher functioning autism and looking after him has been a struggle one day and a joy the next. my daughter has been showing signs of something but not sure what. she is certainly behind in her mental age even if only by 6 months but the delay in her development is certainly getting more obvious as each week passes and her friends all become older. i do feel that her problem is probably something like dyspraxia. so i have 2 children one 5 and one 4 who are both a lot of work.
on top of all of this i still struggle with my depression on and off and everyday i have to travel for an hour distance each day to my sons school because of the distance i live from there. i chose this school because i was given lots of good oral reports on how the school deals with children with problems even though this is a normal mainstream school. i am awaiting news on moving but as of yet i am getting no where on the list - i have been medical priority since last april and still seem to be stuck between 6th and 10th place on this list. so each day travelling to and from school is not only time consuming (and very stressful) but can also end up very expensive with some days having to taxi it to school at the cost of around £12-14 per day.
all the friends i have are great but it would be nice to have a friend who fully understands my troubles. someone i can have a laugh with, cry with or just a good gossip, but knowing they wont judge me or tell me they have too many problems themself to worry about mine as well. i wont moan constantly and am full capable of having a laugh, but i can also be a shoulder for someone else too.
im not asking for much, surely an ally shouldnt be that hard to find?
Tue, 09/06/2009 - 12:45
#1
(((((((((((((((((Hi,)))))))))
(((((((((((((((((Hi,))))))))))))))))))))))))) It is not surprising that you are feeling overwhelmed and you obviously are a wonderful loving mum . Is there a school bus provided for the school for some children and is there anyway you could qualify for that? (special circumstances )Perhaps you could ask at the school? If you havnt already is there is a local group of parents with autistic etc children where you could meet up for support and advice. The library may have info. I have 1 child but because he isn't autistic I can only imagine the daily challenges you face and the tears and laughter and special quiet moments we all treasure. I think only another mum in the same position can fully understand and a local group would be great. Maybe you could set one up via the library if this isn't a local group because you will not be the only one and I would bet there are other mums feeling the same way. You could maybe have a coffee morning or something like that and see what happens.
Perhaps the local church might help with space. I really get the feeling you need to actually be with a group of people in similiar situation where you can share and totally relate, cry, laugh and joke about the wonderful and not so great things that happen each day and have group outings etc. It is not fun feeling so isolated. It sounds like you are doing a great job and you perhaps need to hear that. Try not to take to heart other people's negative attitudes even though it does hurt. Keep strong and stay in touch.
Wed, 17/06/2009 - 12:37
#2
a friend who understands
I have 2 sons with aspergers.The younger one used to go to a specel school there were none near us .He got free transport to the school.He was collected from home & dropped back after school.He could only mangage 2 hours a day 1 2 1 four days aweek.He is now 22 .If you want to get in touch let me know.I have 6 children the youngst is 17 & I live in Ireland
Thu, 18/06/2009 - 23:53
#3
hi marcam
thank you for replying to my forum input. 6 children, 2 with aspergers must be hard, and i admire you for getting through it and am hoping your children are all well. kind of makes me feel bad for having a moan in the first place lol bearing in mind i only have 2 children to worry about. it is strange to feel glad there are other people out their that go through the same things i do if not so i dont feel so alone in mine and my childrens journey through life. i am hoping that in the future my son can live a nearly independent life which i am helping him with already. he will never be able to fully look after himself but i hope that with constant visits from me he may be able to one day have his own appartment somewhere just so he can live like a normal adult. but that is a good few years ahead yet and academic learning is the problem. at the moment the school have him down as full days every day of school week but i do feel sometimes that takes t out of him. but he is just under 6 and we wont know how much his school time will need to be cut down. i am glad that you got transport for you son and it all worked out in the end.
Thu, 18/06/2009 - 23:53
#4
hi lindipops
thank you for your reply and your compliment on me being a good mother. sometimes i do wonder. not knowing whether what i am doing for my children is actually good for them in the long run or not, like wanting to keep him in the school he is in despite the travelling etc. a big part of me knows that if i take him out of the school and put him into a school closer it would be detrimental to not only his academic learning but also to his mental state. it has taken him so long to feel comfortable and happy at this school and finally he is starting to catch up with his class mates although he will never be at the same level as them. but another part of me feels that i should just change his schools so the morning school runs wont be such an ordeal every day. which would be the right thing to do? i feel i cant get it right either way and will never know which is better.
in terms of the groups there are groups, but all the ones near where i live i cannot get to during the day because of where my son's school is and the one's near my son are all pretty much for the 'average' family with 'normal' children. we do have one meeting that happens near my son's school for parents of children with disabilities but they only run it on first and last wednesday of every month and if i can make it (i.e. not getting to consultants appointments for either child) they are always running 10.30-12.30 and i have to leave half way through to collect my daughter from nursery so never really get to know people. i am quite a shy person and cannot put myself forward to introduce myself so kind of sit in the background for quite sometime before i will even speak to anyone. i so wish i wasnt this way and one day when i have more confidence maybe i will set up a coffee morning as you suggested becuase that sounds like such a good idea.
Fri, 19/06/2009 - 22:54
#5
Hi there,
I have two lovley
Hi there,
I have two lovley boys. One aged 14 who has dryspraxia and dyxlexia my yougest is eight. My oldest is very hard work. When I go to a park I need him by my side as he is to hyper. I often get looks from other parents you know that look of " control you son" He does get very hyper and he is hard to control. He is now 6ft 3inc and still gets very hyper he is so hard work. The school my son attends is useless and doesnt believe in educating him to his full ability. He is put in a " Special class" with only eight other children as he has problems. However the class is taught to the youngest childs ability which is learning there times tables my son knows this and is doing work he done in p5 at primary school he is so bored. I teach my son every night about 2 hours everynight teaching him to read,spell and do maths. So I totally understsnd what it is like with kids with problems. However I would defo check out about free transport to school and back. My son get free transport to school and back. I am from Scotland so I dont know what its like where you come from. Please check and phone your local council about free transport for your little one. You are a great mum and dont ever forget it. I just joined this site although I really like it and will be here if you want to chat.
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