Fathers rights

i totaly agree with your comments but what rights does the child and mother have when the father refuses to be in their childs life ? i have never stopped my childrens father from seeing them but he has not contacted them for over 3 and half years and even before that it was only when he wanted to see them, then 4 weeks ago i got a solicitors letter asking why i hav stopped him seeing our children ! he wanted to write to them but aftre 4 weeks i have still not heard from him yet its me who has toexplain to the kids

I completly agree with you too, a lot of fathers are complete wastes. My eldests father has never seen her, and refuses to acknowledge her existance, and I think its men like that which give other fathers, ones who want to be there a harder time to proove them selves in the court system. On the otherhand though, there are mothers out there like yourself who is desperate and willing to allow the father to see their children, but the fathers just aint interested. I do think there needs to be some kind of rules or way of dividing and sorting between these groups of people that give both mothers and fathers a bad name. At the moment me and my new partner are going through a situation where as, he will give as much as he can money wise to his ex wife for their daughter, and is prepared to buy items thier daughter needs. But she is not prepared to allow him to see their daughter. At court recently she actually admitted there was no reason for her stopping the contact, just that she couldnt be bothered. Can you beleive that!!! My partner has fought constantly for the past 3 years that i have been with him for his rights to see his daughter, but unfortunatly he seems to loose out every time. the contact that was every alternate weekend has now been cut down to 3 hours once per week. Reasons she had given in the past was that their daughter had gotten nits from my children, which at the time my son was about 9 months old and my daughter just over 1 yr. and other reasons are that, she felt that my partner wasnt giving her enough money (she wants around 40 - 50£ per week) when we are both actually full time students at the moment, everything just seems to revolve around money and i do think that is wrong, yes money helps in every situation, but i do also feel that most people know what its like to be broke and should be understanding if the father is going through a hard time with money his self. Sorry this seems to be a long lot of babble, but im just trying to get accross that this is the reason why i think that fathers need some help to see their children, the ones who want to, and other fathers who WONT see their children also need something bringing in to put them right too!!

Hi, I totally agree fathers should be able to see their children, but how about doing something about situations such as mine & also my mums. My mum was a parent of 6 children & my dad walked out for another woman brought her children up & had every opportunity to see us & chose not to. My ex of 3 of my children also was not denied access to his children after walking out on me & returning to his mother, [to this day i do not know why]. But after seeing them for roughly a year. Found out i was with someone else & stopped seeing his children & never bothered again in over 6yrs despite solicitors letters asking why he wasn't seeing them which never got replyed to & also knowing my mums address, telephone number to get in contact still to this day Has not. I was brought up not having my father in my life despite my mum trying, i didn't want the same for my children. So how about doing something about this too.

Hi CNBM, Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time with your partners ex. She needs a boot up the backside for treating him and the child like that. However regarding peoples suggestion that "Something should be done" to force these fathers to take responsibility and see their children is not something I would say was a good idea. If the estranged parent does not want to see their child yet is forced to, the child will feel the resentment and suffer for of it. My father was forced by his mum to visit my brother and I. it was very obvious he begrudged doing this. I would have preferred it if he had just cleared off for good. Though seeing him and knowing his attitude to us children was enough for us to get our own opinion of him not our mums biased opinion. If a father is willing and able to see his children then the 'powers that be' should fall over backwards to help them, not just use the father for creating a bank balance. If the parents stay together you would expect the father to do more than just bring a wage in, this should not change just because of a divorce

hi. i was quite interested to read this topic especially as i have been through something very similar. when me and my ex split up my ex had the children against my wishes. i had no idea where he was as he moved house and his parents apparently did not know where he was either. my solicter even had problems tracing him. eventually he made contact with me but was still being funny about letting me have the children. (he was after a council house). i only saw the children once a week but did not keep them as i didnt want to disrupt them furthur by messing around with them from piller to post. i wanted it to be done properly. i provided clothes and bedding which i gave to my ex and paid for school trips. eventually we came to an agreement where we share them. i now have the children 3 days a week, their dad has them twice a week and their grandparents have them twice a week. the children are happy with this as they see us all including my exs other new children but hes taken me to the csa on a number of occassions. ive fought and fought and eventually someone listened to my case but i still have to pay a back bill of arrears which i got whilst contesting the fact that he was able to do this to me in the first place. he made me suffer by not allowing me the contact and then by doing that with the csa and i have always wanted my children and supported them best i can. even though i actually have my children more than my ex i cant claim benefits because he gets them (child benefit)i feel for any parent that has been made to suffer where there children are concerned. children should not be weapons against each other. they are supposed to be cared for, loved, protected and you should enjoy the time spent with them.

Hi im a father who split from partner, gave her all she asked emptied house, so the little on would not suffer. Bent over backwards gave her money and cash, but now she wont even let me see my boy, we had such a strong bond and its killing me, looks now im going to have to take her to court for access. I have tried it all, all avenues, but no getting no where, what is it that triggers a woman to use the kid as a pawn. Im at my wits end.........

In my opinion i don't see why fathers should have rights over the kids, because in the end of the day mothers do so much for there kids, e.g cooking, washing, learning kids, playing with them etc, A mother is a role mother.all kids should have motherly love. But also Fathers should love and care for the kids and the wife, you should have some happiness and some good bond with each other, no need to argue and fight, because in the end of the day children got to have 2 parents then life is beautiful.

I'M A MOTHER AND I KNOW THAT MOTHERS SHOULD HAVE MORE RIGHT OVER THE KIDS, BECAUSE THEY BRING THEM UP IN THE WORLD, BEING PREGNANT, FEEDING BABY, HOLDING THEM IN ARMS, WASHING THEM, PLAYING AND LEARNING THEM AND TAKING THEM ON OUTINGS, MOTHERS HAVE A BUSY LIFESTYLE, ITS WHAT A MOTHER JOB TO DO, SOME WOMEN HAVE PROBLEMS ALL THE WAY THROUGH PREGNANCY, SOME WOMEN FACE PROBLEMS AFTERWARDS. BUT AT THE END OF IT ALL I THINK ITS WORTH IT. A WOMENS JOB IS HARD BUT ITS WORTH IT, WOMEN SHOULD HAVE MORE RIGHTS, SO WHY SHOULD PEOPLE PERSUADE FATHERS TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH KIDS SO THAT PEOPLE THINK FATHERS HAVE SPENT MORE TIME AND THEY SHOULD HAVE RIGHTS TOO, IT WOULD BE PATHETIC, IT WOULD MAKE ALL FAMILY BE STUPID. DEPENDING ON AGE OF KIDS, IT MIGHT BE GOOD.

I sadly lost my daughter when she was just 2 years old. When I met my partner, I was as supportive as I could be regarding his son. He lived with his ex partner and his son until his son was 3 years old. Then she told him she was visiting a family member and took his baby away from him. It was nearly 4 years before he saw him again, and it cost thousands of pounds. Throughout the time when my partner was unable to see his son, he continued faithfully to pay around £100 per week in child maintenance, and since our relationship began, that has gone up to £200 a week, as his ex demanded that he paid more due to my income. Whilst I don't mind one bit about paying maintenance as I understand children need to be supported, I can't understand why she does this. My partner had to go through various court systems to be granted access to his son, and now he can finally see him, and I can too, he only has 6-8 hours a month and his son's step-father stops that too peridoically. We simply can't afford to go back to court, as a huge chunk of our income goes towards maintenance and also visting my partner's son, as his mother and step-father moved him and their 2 younger sons over 100 miles away from us. Then, every other week we have a phone call demanding more money for various things, and they tell my partner's son to ask us for cash too when he sees us. As well as this, my partner's son has been told that if he calls my partner Dad, he will not be able to see him again and the most recent development is that they have refused to let him come to our wedding next summer. We deliberately booked our wedding for during the school holidays, and have even paid over £200 for an overnight stay at the hotel we will be marrying in for my partner's ex, he husband and the 3 children. I spoke extensively to my partner's ex regaring this, and all seemed ok. That was, until we actually handed the cash over to the hotel, and now they have said they just thought it would be funny and they aren't really going to attend. My partner has completely given up with the system, and we just try to enjoy the little time we have with his son, but surely the government need to look into the system and make serious changes. There is far too many children out there who are unable to see one of their parents, and it does have a negative effect on their lives :(

This is long so I'll understand if you don't want to read it: It could be debated until everyone is blue in the face as to whose at fault it is that a child or children do not see their father. The problem for most like me lies with the legal system and cafcass. I have 2 children and split with their father in 2003 when they were 5 and 2 1/2 they are now 12 1/2 and 10. I left him in a fully furnished flat, furnished at my expense which wasn't easy as I was the one who worked he did not work or look after the children while I worked so I spent money I couldn't afford on childcare. Ater we split he would call me up and shout abuse down the phone at me I was not overly upset it was quite funny in its way, he left a message one time about 3 weeks after we'd left as the dishwasher had broke and it was my fault for not buying the better (read more expensive, he was always very materialistic) model he wanted and that I'd somehow planned it to happen. Anyway after 4 months during which he never asked about or to see the children he applied to the court for contact. He asked for cafcass to be involved and in the three years following was awarded 65 direct contact sessions and I had to provide a phone for him to call the children on a Friday evening. He only attended 13 direct contact sessions and called the girls 11 times. He always complained to cafcass that I was putting up barriers and they agreed with him although no one would tell me what these barriers were. I always agreed to contact, The girls were always at the agreed place at the agreed time with my father who supervised contact. This was necessary as there were times when my father had to see to them if they fell, got upset, needed a drink or lunch, he would always claim he didn't have enough money which was also why the children never got Christmas or Birthday cards/Presents. But the court kept giving him more contact as they have to see contact progressing it was relentless the way the court and cafcass moved it forward even though he wasnt turning up and towards the end the children were saying they hated contact and him. I went to a cafcass meeting late 2005 and the officer asked me what I wanted, I said I wanted it all stopped for now I had no problems to re start at a later date if he wanted to contact the children or them him. She asked if the children would hate me I said I didn't think they would as I had been keeping (still have in loft) all the paper work so they could read it when they were older and decide for themselves the only other thing I asked was that when she spoke to the children she wouldn't as she had done in the past fill their heads with the idea that she could get him to attend contact. In her report I was being difficult with regards to contact and putting up barriers (I was really getting annoyed with the word barriers by then) and that she wanted to be the guardian as I was not speaking for the children and under her guidance there would be no reason for the contact to stay at monthly it could go to weekly with every other week being an overnight. I was not happy with this disregard for my children but I did not have to do anything about it as he stopped seeing and calling the children, did not return calls from cafcass or his solicitor or turn up to court, his appliactions got thrown out. He didn't come back until 2009, after he had been taken to court as he managed even though he claimed housing benefit to get behind with his rent and was facing eviction unless he could pay the arrears, the council was bending over backwards to help him as he was saying it was the cost of seeing his children that got him into arrears and he would loose contact with them if evicted. Again he called cafcass they spoke to the children who said they were ok with seeing him as long as it didn't get like before, they said they'd be happy with once a month, In her report she said 2x a month for a month then weekly for a month before making every other week overnight as suggested in the last cafcass report even though contact wasn't regular then and the children hadn't seen him for 3 years. This time out of 12 contacts he managed 3 contacts and called 6 times, even though he missed contacts cause the days were marked as on this Sat he'd be doing this he just turned up expecting to take them to his house the children did not want to go to his home and ran away from him so in court overnight was put off but he still got more contact. But he failed and his applications were thrown out again, he hasn't seen the children for a year now, he was evicted for non payment of rent and has disappeared. All through this I was working so did not quallify for legal aid the 1st thime cost me £18,500 in solicitors fees money I could've put away towards a deposit for a house for the children and me. The second time I decided to self represent I don't know how much he has cost the public purse. Court was depressing, there were the people like me who were having the court and cafcass used as a stick to beat us with and those who were hiding behind the court and cafcass enjoying it happening. They were all arguing they were right he/she's not letting me see my children, I am but he/she's not turning up or he/she's has or still is taking drugs, is an alcoholic or is sleeping with the world and his wife. My point after all this is that it's the children who are really suffering being buried in the hate between their parents, cafcass who are not unbiased and do not consider the children as much as they should (I was told when I complained that they did err more on the side of the person who called for their involvement) and the courts who are so focused on being seen to be giving the non resident parent every chance at contact so that they're not accused of assisting one parent stopping another from seeing their children. We need an appropriate system in place that is focused on children 1st and not swayed by squabbling parents, the media and people who say their rights as a parent are being ignored and being so focused on that while completely blinkered with regards to their childs rights. A system that is swift and decisive with clear guidelines and policies on issues that affect the children. And proper guardians for the children to be able to say what they want in a safe un biased enviroment.

After 36 years my dead beat dad turned up at my front door,he was never refused access to me and he never paid my mum a penny..he was given every opportunity we have always lived in the same area.THIS is the best bit he had done very well for himself big expensive car,smart clothes dripping in gold.I had never set eyes on him till that moment when he said his name..but he wasnt interested in me all he wanted was for me to see if i was a match as his ONLY ( his words ) daughter needed a kidney transplant and i was his last hope,the piece of crap even offered to pay me.So please dont bleat about poor fathers not getting access..yes there are cases of genuine dads who want to be there..but look at my story all he wanted me for was spare parts.