your poll about mums working

A few years ago, dads worked, mums stayed at home with the kids. Then came the advent of equal rights, whereas it was more accepted that mothers could work if they so wished. Unfortunately, now the balance has shifted too far and now mums are EXPECTED to work outside the home. In my opinion, you can either do one thing well, or do both badly. You cant have it all! If A mum works, the children inevitably suffer in one way or another. It doesnt matter how good the nursery or minder is, there's no substitute for mum. As for those who go back to work when their kids are still babies, how could they cope with not seeing them all day? I know I couldn't. If you're going to have kids, bring them up yourself and don't palm them off on other people. Once they are at school, however, part time work is an option. The first five years go by all too quickly, plenty of time for work when they're older.

Call me old fashioned but if you want children that much why after a short time hand them over to some one else to bring up. is being a mum so mundain?I have 2 grown up daughters & being with them seeing them grow READING to them (now that doesn't happen too often these days)first words first steps these are so precious if you miss those moments they have gone forever. I went back to work when my children had settled in play group,but what ever happened they always came first,yes it was a struggle at times but I loved every moment. My girls never came home to an empty house. Love them watch them grow.

its ok to say stay at home and lokk after your kids. in an ideal world everyone would, but some people have to work to support their children and dont have the luxuary of a husband to provide. When my daughter was three my husband and i split up and i was left to support my daughter emotionally and financially, and i was not going to sit on my bum and let the social pay for my child, my daughter sees me as a role model therefore a hard working mum providing for the child i had not a scrounger on benefits. Too many women say i want children and i want to stay at home and look after them, then they sign on and expect the tax payer to provide for them. Im lucky enough now to be remarried with another child and my husband provides for us so i can stay at home with my children but if i had to work again then i would. I dont want to live on benefits as if it is normal to do so. The benefit system is there for emergencies to help when you fall out of work its not a weekly wage for mothers to be able to stay at home.

Reply to Loopy- its all very well saying that if you find yourself without a partner you should get a job, but if your other half has walked out on you and the kids, technically abandoning them, surely mum going out to work amounts to the same thing? children need one parent at home for them if the other has bu**ered off! living on benefits is stigmatized so much these days, but if I found myself dumped by my OH, I sure as hell wouldn't let some cruddy nursery bring up my 3 babies. Better a benefit mum than an absent one. What annoys me are young, able bodied men with no dependents bumming off the state and sitting in the pub all day. THEY are the ones who should be getting jobs. Most single mums I know don't sit around on their bums, they look after their kids and spend every spare penny on them, often going without basic commodities such as food themselves. Mothers are the mainstay of society, and those who choose to stay at home with their kids shouldn't be criticized, so lay off!

Its hard to get the balance right between kids and work. I split with my ex when my kids were quite young. I went back to work part-time while my kids were in school and tried my best to fit my working hours round them. Luckily enough I had a great boss who understood that my kids had to come first and was so accomodating. Unfortunately I realise not all bosses are like this but I do think the government should do more for mums especially single mums so they can get the right balance. I think its good for mums to work and spend quality time with their kids as well. I also realise that its not always possible to have both. I do believe if my boss hadn't been so good I would have left work to be with my kids full-time.

not all day care is cruddy, and i know not all mums can work and its lovely to be at home with your children, its not stigmatised to be on benefits these days its the norm. I worked for my daughter because i wanted to be able to provide more for her than the money i would get on social. I worked while she was at play school where she would have been anyway if i was at home so she didnt miss me at all. And it gave me confidence, a new circle of friends other mums to talk too who worked and extra money for my daughter to which i spent every last penny thank you. If you have children then you should provide for them ont the tax payer, why should i pay for your children, use the benefit system for what it was set up for emergency until you can find a job. so you lay off!¬

totally agree with you. The govenment should give a cash incentive to single mums so they can work part time and have time with their children, its important to do both i think. Bosses need to be more flexable for mothers whether married or single so that if their children are ill or have dentist app etc then there is no prob to have time off. Not perfect world though as we all know.

fair enough, once a child is 3 and at playschool to do part time work, but I have 3 kids age 8, 2 and 4 months. I didn't have them so someone else could bring them up. When they are all at school or playschool, I will be looking for work. Until my eldest was 6, I was a single mum, and once she started playschool, I certainly didn't 'sit around' on benefits. I worked weekends cleaning a pub (took her with me) and during the week, did voluntary work at a youth hostel and adult education courses, gaining NVQ level 2 hairdressing and an advanced certificate in counselling. Prior to having the kids, I worked full time for ten years. When the youngest are no longer babies, I will be out of the house all day doing something, even if it is volunteer work again. Even if I was desperate to find work, after paying out for 2 nursery places, after school care, rent, council tax, school meals, etc, I would still be skint! whats the point of it if I'm no better off? Also, I'm breastfeeding my baby and intend to do so for at least a year. Reckon the health benefits of this will save the NHS money in years to come! Those who don't believe me, read up on it.

i wasnt attacking you for not working. If you can afford to stay at home with your children then i think its great. I breast fed both my babies and if you can do that its the best thing in the world. I dont care wether a mum goes to work or stays at home with her children, i was saying that women shouldnt plan to have children on the social because its the tax payer thats paying for them. Ive been to college, got diplomas, and worked yippee, it doesnt matter as long as your children are well cared for emotionally and financally, whether that be in playschool or at home. Enough said now i think im bored with this subject as im sure everyone else is.