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Joke of the week

If you like this week's rude joke, come back next week for another. We pay £15 for every near-the-knuckle chuckle we print in that's life! magazine or on the website.

A man asks his wife what she’d like for her birthday. ‘I want to be eight again’ she replies. So, on the morning of her birthday he gets up early, brings her a big bowl of Coco Pops and then takes her to the local theme park.
Five hours later she staggers, head reeling and queasy.
Afterwards, they go to McDonald’s where he orders her a Happy Meal. Then it’s was off to the cinema to see a cartoon hot dogs, popcorn and fizzy drinks.
Finally they go home with collapse on the bed exhausted.
He leans over his precious wife with a big smile. ‘Well, dear,’ he says. ‘What was it like being eight again?’
‘Awful,’ she snaps. ‘I meant my dress size, you idiot!’

A drunken man staggered up to a girl in a bar. ‘I’d love to get into your knickers,’ he slurred.
‘Why?’ the girl replied. ‘I’ve already got one bum in there, why would I want another one?’

Fact: More husbands would leave home if they knew how to pack properly.

Patient: ‘Doctor there’s a strawberry growing on my bottom.’
Doctor: ‘Oh dear, you’ll need some cream for that.’